To me, the ideas of superiority and inferiority have helped me to explain exactly what I seek in myself.
Being born a very vulnerable person and growing up in a very destructive household, being inferior was the complete norm for me. Almost too much of the norm for me, because it became an idea in my head. The idea that I would never be superior, to be above other people; which to me, it also meant that their judgment mattered more. My mom always taught me that it mattered what other people thought of me. My mom was always a slave to society. Being the norm to me was just who I was. But to others, I was weird and they didn't understand me. I have always dreamed of being the one who was superior; to have power and control. Because I have always been so afraid of my own person and of other people. I always saw myself as inferior, which still affects me. When I get insecure about things, I consider myself an inferior person and it makes me more angry with myself. I want to have the power because I know I can handle things with care. I hate being in the situation that I feel as if someone else is above me now, especially in relationships. It's been an issue to the point that I anger myself in random moments. I find myself the most inferior whenever I am having an insecure moment. And the reason I am having the insecure moment is because something triggers the fact in my mind that I am inferior.
I have found that it is one of my biggest fears... ever. And now that I have the words to figure this whole thing out, it may be one step closer to understanding my mind and taking it by the horns.
Not only that, this is an actual thing. So I'm not just insane.
(plot twist; yes I am actually just insane)
inferiority complex
n.
A persistent sense of inadequacy or a tendency to self-diminishment, sometimes resulting in excessive aggressiveness through overcompensation.
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