Clock

Whenever dusk begins to break, the minds of the humans around the world begin to change. The darkest hour of the night, the darkest things come out. The creepers of the night are out to prey and the killers are out to put a right to a wrong in their heads. People sometimes fail to understand that the darker things in life are in the darkest hours. As silent as the night may be, things are slowly lurking the night looking for their purposes.
Living in this house at night makes me get a little lonely. I have little purpose to people except to satisfy their needs. I hear a lot of the things that go on at night here and it gets my gears running. Everyone is wondering what their purpose is in everything. The purpose of life is to find that purpose. Maybe that's why most people look to a higher power to answer the questions they can't seem to answer. As humans, they look to have an answer to everything. Just as when a human calls a name out to someone, they expect a response. It's the same situation with people finding out what life really means. Those who challenge themselves the strongest are the ones who struggle the most. Because what humans don't know is that they will forever be chasing and contemplating that answer. The answer may never come.
As I listen into the conversations that go on around the house, I'm only invisible. But I do learn a lot from just listening to the mother and her child talking at night. The child's name is Andrew and he loves to question every concept of life. He's only a young boy, but his questions and his contemplation just doesn't seem his age. He wonders why humans were even put on the earth, why things happen the way they do, or who made it. But I admire the mother the most in this household because of the stories she tells to him to help him better understand himself and the world around him.
"Mommy, I'm scared to go to sleep tonight."
"Andrew, we already talked about the monster. He's not real. He only lives in your head."
"It's not about that, I just hate going to sleep not knowing things."
The mother asks Andrew what he is thinking about and he begins to talk about his thoughts.
"Well, Mommy, I just don't understand why people are so mean. I was at school today, and this mean kid told me that God didn't love me because I wasn't like them and I didn't go to church like them. I tried to tell the teacher but she only told him to stop, but he never did."
"Honey, you always have to remember that there are so many people in this world with different lives, beliefs, and opinions. But the God that I know doesn't hate you, nor does he hate anyone."
Andrew smiles and asks about what God is like.
"The God that I know doesn't rule over me, and he doesn't judge anyone. And you know him as well!"
He looks confused at his mother.
"Mommy I've never seen him before."
"Just because you cannot see him doesn't mean that he is not there. Let me tell you about him. This God that I know lives right here," she says as she points to his forehead and he looks confused at her again.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you know when you're doing something wrong, you hear that little voice in the back of your head telling you not to?"
He nods at her.
"That's him speaking to you. He lives with you. He lives the same life as you. And he is with you everywhere you go."
Andrew still doesn't quite understand what his mother is talking about.
"You see, Andrew, you shouldn't always look to other people to have power of you. Because the God that everyone is searching for is right here in your head. Though sometimes you can't seem to find him in your head, he is always there. He is no different than what you are."
"Then why do people always try to tell me I am wrong for not going to church or being like them?"
"Honey, everyone will not understand you. Whatever God deems to be is all up to you. people who label themselves as a certain thing limit the possibility to anything in this world. Anything is possible in this world, Andrew. But there is one thing for sure, you will always have "God" right with you. And his name is Andrew."
One of the biggest purposes in life is to find satisfaction and peace with yourself. The reason I admire this mother the most, compared to any other parent I have ticked on the wall for, is that she understands the importance of believing in YOURSELF above anyone else.
But always remember. You are a human, and there are endless possibilities in this world. I know my purpose in this world. To tick, tock, and click until I'm burned out. Have you found yours?

A Big Step In Life

It kind of breaks my heart looking at old things on my Facebook. How things used to be and how stable things were living with my grandmother; now it just seems like I have no relationship with my mother's side of the family. Like, no more dreaming of getting away from them, but now I AM away from them. And I know it breaks my grandmother's heart that I left. But there comes a time that you take life by the horns and own it. YOU own your life. Not ANYONE ELSE. And even though it hurts to see that things went downhill, I know I am happy now.

It was not necessarily my grandmother's fault. I blame most things on my mother because she tried to take away everything that made me happy. It was time for me to move on with things in my life.

I am now moved out, I have graduated high school, and now I have an amazing family that I live with.

No more dealing with tedious issues with my family.

Luckily, my other grandparents on my father's side fully support me and let us visit my hometown to see everyone and get a break. So I still have some support from the family.