- Mood:
Pleased - Listening to: No Love (Remix) (feat. Nicki Minaj)- August Alsina
- Reading: -
- Watching: Orange Is The New Black
- Playing: Pokemon
- Eating: Chick Fil A
- Drinking: Red Bull
Hey guys. I did this journal entry a while back, but I am now redoing it for an update and to tell you all how my feelings have changed.
Dear Birthgiver,
You are the one in this entry that I can say that I hate the most. You are definitely not my favourite person, and even though I may favour your looks, you are still just as deceiving and hideous on the inside. You have made things difficult for me my entire life, and for that I will always hate you. I will always hate the things that you said to me, the insults and the dream-crushers. I have moved on with my life. I have a family that treats me right and have taken me in. And there is not a single thing you can do about it. I made sure myself that there would be no way for you to hurt me again or to take my soul. You cannot force me back home ever again and you will no longer be stealing my money from me like you have been for years. I will abide by that last text message you sent me for good now. "Why don't you just pretend I'm dead so you can move on with your life, okay?"
Bitch what do you think I've been trying to do.
Dear Mom,
I don't think I could ever thank you enough for all you do for us. To keep 9 kids up and running and going to school, you do better than anyone I have ever seen. Nothing can compare to the joyfulness I felt when you told me that I could live with your family. It's an honour to say that this is my family now. I try to help out any way I can, but you top anyone at doing favours. Thank you for always taking care of me and all of the siblings. I could not have done the things that you have. I hope I can see you smiling more one day. And I hope I can help you in every way possible. Never give up on yourself.
Dear Dad,
Things would have been so much different if you were here. I think that maybe I would not have gotten the abuse from my mother that I did. I think maybe I would have been a different person. I think about how you would have thought of me now of days. If you would understand me and my ways. I don't know. But I do know that I would have liked to have met you. It's sad that I can't really mourn over you being gone because you were almost never here. You were gone so soon and I was so young. But people always tell me that I am a lot like you. But it seems over the years I just act like my mother (except I do everything better than her). I cherish all of the talents you gave me and the personality and I also cherish the aggressive and bitchy side from my mother. That's what makes me who I am.
Dear Brother,
Older brother: I really don't like you lol. But I have sex on the back of your truck all of the time. It's quite hilarious that you dislike me as much as you do, you never speak to me and you're an asshole. I hope you get your shit together one day.
Andrew: You have so much ahead of you baby. I hate that I am unable to see you because I don't live with my mother anymore. I miss seeing you and laughing with you all of the time. I miss you coming in my room at Nana's and always making me smile. You are going to be someone someday. I will always cherish the smiles that you gave me and all the great times. I can't wait to come see you again.
Jack, Charlie: You guys are the best little brothers. You always make me smile and always make my day a little brighter. You are both charming and beautiful kids and look forward to seeing how much you will both grow up to be. I love that I am able to see you both grow up so fast. It's sad and enjoyable. You're both a blessing. Jack and Charlie, I hope you always keep your head up throughout your life. No matter if you end up as gay, heterosexual, transgender, bisexual, or a loaf of bread, I will always love you for who you are. Fuck what anyone thinks. Always be who you are.
Dear Sister,
Madison: You are one smart little girl. I see so much of myself in your eyes and the way you smile and laugh all of the time. I know things are difficult right now, but I want you to know that there is always a better day waiting for you. You have the smarts and the maturity to be so much more than your mother and anyone else. You can be anything you want to be in life. Just always keep your head up and strive for the best in yourself.
Emeli, Annie, Bonnie, Lily, Dorothy: My wonderful little sisters. You are all amazing and talented girls. You are all an amazing family to have and make me so happy every day. You are beautiful, talented, and always high-spirited. I love spending time doing make up, hair, nails and cracking jokes at one another. I know that every single one of you have so much ahead of you.
Dear Boyfriend,
You finally came into my life. The last time I wrote this journal, you were not even a thought of mine. You had not come into my life and I still had so much ahead of me. You are literally the best thing to happen to me. And I know there is a reason why we are inseparable, and that's because we fit together like two pieces of a broken heart; you complete mine and I complete yours. As soon as I met eyes with you, I felt more love than anything. And the first time you held my hand in the car, I almost shit myself. Our first kiss was everything I could ask for. From then on, I knew. Ever since we met, you and I have only been apart for a few days. Because being without you makes me sick. Now we fucking live together. It's unreal how much this family has taken me in and made me feel at home. I will always cherish these moments together. I love you so much.
Dear Ex,
You've all hurt me so much. But nothing can compare to the strength I have built off of you all fucking me over. Now I am stronger. I don't need you. I have everything I need now. All I can say is, I've moved on. And I don't know why I EVER would have settled for less.
Dear Birthgiver,
You are the one in this entry that I can say that I hate the most. You are definitely not my favourite person, and even though I may favour your looks, you are still just as deceiving and hideous on the inside. You have made things difficult for me my entire life, and for that I will always hate you. I will always hate the things that you said to me, the insults and the dream-crushers. I have moved on with my life. I have a family that treats me right and have taken me in. And there is not a single thing you can do about it. I made sure myself that there would be no way for you to hurt me again or to take my soul. You cannot force me back home ever again and you will no longer be stealing my money from me like you have been for years. I will abide by that last text message you sent me for good now. "Why don't you just pretend I'm dead so you can move on with your life, okay?"
Bitch what do you think I've been trying to do.
Dear Mom,
I don't think I could ever thank you enough for all you do for us. To keep 9 kids up and running and going to school, you do better than anyone I have ever seen. Nothing can compare to the joyfulness I felt when you told me that I could live with your family. It's an honour to say that this is my family now. I try to help out any way I can, but you top anyone at doing favours. Thank you for always taking care of me and all of the siblings. I could not have done the things that you have. I hope I can see you smiling more one day. And I hope I can help you in every way possible. Never give up on yourself.
Dear Dad,
Things would have been so much different if you were here. I think that maybe I would not have gotten the abuse from my mother that I did. I think maybe I would have been a different person. I think about how you would have thought of me now of days. If you would understand me and my ways. I don't know. But I do know that I would have liked to have met you. It's sad that I can't really mourn over you being gone because you were almost never here. You were gone so soon and I was so young. But people always tell me that I am a lot like you. But it seems over the years I just act like my mother (except I do everything better than her). I cherish all of the talents you gave me and the personality and I also cherish the aggressive and bitchy side from my mother. That's what makes me who I am.
Dear Brother,
Older brother: I really don't like you lol. But I have sex on the back of your truck all of the time. It's quite hilarious that you dislike me as much as you do, you never speak to me and you're an asshole. I hope you get your shit together one day.
Andrew: You have so much ahead of you baby. I hate that I am unable to see you because I don't live with my mother anymore. I miss seeing you and laughing with you all of the time. I miss you coming in my room at Nana's and always making me smile. You are going to be someone someday. I will always cherish the smiles that you gave me and all the great times. I can't wait to come see you again.
Jack, Charlie: You guys are the best little brothers. You always make me smile and always make my day a little brighter. You are both charming and beautiful kids and look forward to seeing how much you will both grow up to be. I love that I am able to see you both grow up so fast. It's sad and enjoyable. You're both a blessing. Jack and Charlie, I hope you always keep your head up throughout your life. No matter if you end up as gay, heterosexual, transgender, bisexual, or a loaf of bread, I will always love you for who you are. Fuck what anyone thinks. Always be who you are.
Dear Sister,
Madison: You are one smart little girl. I see so much of myself in your eyes and the way you smile and laugh all of the time. I know things are difficult right now, but I want you to know that there is always a better day waiting for you. You have the smarts and the maturity to be so much more than your mother and anyone else. You can be anything you want to be in life. Just always keep your head up and strive for the best in yourself.
Emeli, Annie, Bonnie, Lily, Dorothy: My wonderful little sisters. You are all amazing and talented girls. You are all an amazing family to have and make me so happy every day. You are beautiful, talented, and always high-spirited. I love spending time doing make up, hair, nails and cracking jokes at one another. I know that every single one of you have so much ahead of you.
Dear Boyfriend,
You finally came into my life. The last time I wrote this journal, you were not even a thought of mine. You had not come into my life and I still had so much ahead of me. You are literally the best thing to happen to me. And I know there is a reason why we are inseparable, and that's because we fit together like two pieces of a broken heart; you complete mine and I complete yours. As soon as I met eyes with you, I felt more love than anything. And the first time you held my hand in the car, I almost shit myself. Our first kiss was everything I could ask for. From then on, I knew. Ever since we met, you and I have only been apart for a few days. Because being without you makes me sick. Now we fucking live together. It's unreal how much this family has taken me in and made me feel at home. I will always cherish these moments together. I love you so much.
Dear Ex,
You've all hurt me so much. But nothing can compare to the strength I have built off of you all fucking me over. Now I am stronger. I don't need you. I have everything I need now. All I can say is, I've moved on. And I don't know why I EVER would have settled for less.
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